Big Brother: So long Marco, not missing you already

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Big Brother: So long Marco, not missing you already

June 18, 2016 - 18:11
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“I can’t believe it,” said Marco Pierre White Jnr after fed-up viewers voted him into oblivion at the earliest possible opportunity.

Marco is evicted from Big Brother

“I can’t believe it,” said Marco Pierre White Jnr after fed-up viewers voted him into oblivion at the earliest possible opportunity.

But what couldn’t he believe? That he was the dreaded first out? Or that everyone else doesn’t love him as much as he does? You decide.

For a nanosecond I actually felt sorry for him. He’d put his heart and soul into making his mark and been roundly rejected. The poor guy was crestfallen. He was even less popular than world class dullard Andy, joy killer Emma and dreadful Georgina. No mean feat.

It was obvious that the chef’s shameless son had carefully planned how he would become the star of Channel 5’s house of horror and take Big Brother by storm. 

To his credit, Marco knew that all that “just be yourself” rubbish is a sure fire way to lose. To stand a chance of winning you have to put on a performance…

Which he certainly did. Leaping around like a lunatic possessed, fake laughing like a crazed clown and loving lascivious Laura in the biblical sense. What he didn’t realise was that your performance has to be likeable. His was detestable. Everybody hated him.

In one of the most painful eviction interviews ever, MPW told grand inquisitor Emma Willis that the public must have turned against him because of his “relationships”. By that he meant the fiancée he so blatantly disrespected. She gave him a hall pass… he gave her national humiliation.

“She’s a cool girl,” said Marco. “Have you met her? Is she here?” Emma: “No, she’s not here.” Once again, he looked shattered. Like a naughty little boy struggling to cope with the realities of adulthood. He’s got a lot of growing up to do.

Meanwhile, back in TV’s circus of cruelty, The Others were finally revealed and Jason realised that his appalling former girlfriend Charlie was about to spoil his life again.

Ridiculous Ryan Ruckledge lied: “I’ve slept with a premiership footballer.” In his dreams. And, tiring of the airheads around her, Natalie sighed: “I’m past the stage of all that childish stuff they get up to.” That, Nat, is because you’re 53. Rather too old for this nonsense. Act your age.

Dismayed by Marco’s departure, revolting club hostess Laura realised she’ll have to find someone else to play juvenile soft porn games with. It’s not like she’s going to get noticed because of her wit, wisdom and sparkling personality.

In other news… allegedly posh Georgina is about as upmarket as jellied eels and never stops moaning. Remaining twin Emma’s energetic lust for life consists of telling everyone to stop enjoying themselves. And Andy spends his entire time insisting he’s not boring. Unconvincingly.

Someone really ought to let this tedious twonk know that once sharing a lift with Lady GaGa doesn’t necessarily make him Britain’s most exciting up and comer.

Last but certainly least there’s Her Travesty Laytesha, the self-styled Welsh stunner who looks a bit like Mrs Shrek Princess Fiona and who against the odds has turned out to be one of the least awful contestants.

Anyway, with the series nearly two weeks old, it’s high time the string-pulling producers stopped meddling and let the assorted losers get on with it. This other-house thing has trundled on for way too long.

All in all, Marco’s exit is for the good. Even by Big Brother’s low standards he plumbed tawdry depths and dragged the whole show down.

When Emma revealed that her parents bought her a boob job for her 18th birthday, Marco enquired: “Did your dad ask to see them?” What a disturbing question.

But now that Loser-Boy is out of the running I wonder if his dad will ask to see him. The family’s honour is at stake. Was Junior’s frantic fortnight a load of frolics? Or was it a total unfunny joke? You decide…

There are 8 Comments

mansellmum's picture

Have to admit that I am secretly enjoying this BB (it's the first 'non-celeb' one I have watched in years). Marco Pierre White Snr must be breathing a sigh of relief that his son has gone from the house, give it a year or two and he will probably be able to take his head out of his hands, nothing like your kids showing you up!! The only thing I will miss about Marco is the fact I wanted to run in the house with my felt tips and colour in the tattoo on his back.

Am wondering (cynical?) over the recruiting/auditioning process for this show though, can someone tell me how they managed to dig up all these ex embarrassments from the housemates' long and distant, did they all just happen to mention these people in their interview, bit suspect isn't it, surely its not all a set up?

Favourites so far have to be Ryan (yes I know) but I think he is hilarious (in a pathetic sort of way) Jackson, Alex (most normal) and Georgina (who is as posh as me). Can't stand Laura who kept berating herself for her behaviour with Marco and then doing the same and more a minute later. Laytesha has managed to put her boobs away and is sounding quite sensible sometimes. Charlie is completely deranged over Jason and the Jayne/Chelsea (whatever his real name is) drama is beyond me.

Will carry on watching to see what happens of course because I love watching people make fools of themselves, if I ever find it too much, I can always do what my sister does, fast forward the actual programme and just watch Rylan afterwards.

Llwynog45's picture

Very nice review. First one I've not watched, EVER. No one will top nasty Nick and Nicola the porn star. I feel old.

highgatevillagephonebox's picture

do you andyStand 20.06.16

this is not on a big scale

infarct its very skinny

so i am going to hype it up with emmerdale

he so looks like dead brother of jimmy.

but andy is feeling

the pressure is buckling

BB has stripped back and peeling

but no way is he for sucker-ling.

it will boil over

that's a guarantee flutter

andys the real deal and no clover

in his mouth is no melting butter.

will you toast

or have not got a clue

you got to andystand my boast

andy is to BB super glue.

raise a glass of shandy

not being put off by being quiet and bland

he won't be no mahatma ghandi

but he is one to watch do you andystand.

highgatevillagephonebox's picture

jayne v natalie = talking EU results ? ( anyone else hear it ? )24.06.16

both do not tickle

little is my tolerance

would you blame me for being fickle

or is it a power of excellence.

for natlie my hopes were phenomenal

but she is a total failure

this "madam" business is terminal

i got a feeling all her lady's are going to be a sailor.

jayne also has snoring

on me she is very inflictive

don't even bring in mr "Goran Eriksson" its boring

jayne needs a own goal for being vindictive.

the row did expose flaws

weakness was causing trouble

nearly a punch up with no claws

but it was a disaster and i blame double.

both lady's think power

a fall from grace will be receiving

lets give them both opportunity to flower

and then drop them like the EU and have them leaving.

highgatevillagephonebox's picture

the viewers sold you - no how it feels madam 25.06.16

 

i don't no how

it feels like i am saying waffle

i no good bye is chow

go back to your corrupted brothel.

will business boom

or take a slam

on sales you might need to zoom

because zero is credibility as a madam.

you had no back bone

delivered were no stingers

not one argument did you own

your defeat was when you twinkled your fingers.

thank you for voting

so proud of the united kingdom

no results need quoting

a win is a win like in the referendum.

mansellmum's picture

Well here I am again at the end of this surprisingly good Big Brother series. For someone who only bothers with the 'Celeb' version, I have loved it, am quite disappointed that they are stopping it early, I think it could have carried on another month easily.

My favourite housemate by far is Hughie, have found him the most entertaining, think he takes everything in and analyses it, he is very articulate but just needs to rein his short temper in a bit, he is my winner, hope we hear more from him in the future. He can park his caravan outside my house any day (even if only to wind up my awful neighbours, oh if only I was 30 years younger and a man)!!

Poor old Jason has had a terrible time of it, first lumbered with a mad ex, then accused of game playing (which he was) got rid of Lateysha (how dare he)? She seemed to think she had some God given right to be in the house over all the rest, I have a baby....so what I have four, then horrible Jason got rid of Ryan for derogatory remarks against men and women, what rubbish they all cried, then in his leaving interview Ryan did just that "very unusual for a woman to be that funny", well Ryan you proved Jason wrong, not!! Jason to be my runner up and if he's lucky they might even let him just stay in the house, anything is better than having to face the demented Charlie, who is probably camped outside the house waiting for him.

Awful Laura, hopefully will be going tonight, another one who thinks she should be in the final, poor Sam (well at least I know who he is now). Laura will never live down jumping into bed with Marco the first week, us horrible public have such long memories, let all the viewers know what she thought of us last week for booing and is now terrified of leaving, well you reap what you sow, bring it on.

Worse acting award definitely goes to Jayne, I would love to know how to be unconscious and yet swim at the same time, maybe she should have gone on Britain's got Talent instead, honestly don't know how she has managed to scrape her way to the final but she has with a little help from Sam of course, she won't win but at least she beat Chelsea.

Alex is quite good looking.

Sam is..... well I don't know what he is but he looks quite old for 24.

Andy got engaged but if what I read in papers is true, won't be living happily ever after, give this man a job his presenting skills in the newsreader task were brilliant.

Jackson also up for best (worse) acting award for crying, different accents and general day to day behaviour, he is also a Dad you know and he wants to marry Georgina despite barely mentioning the love of his life since she left.

Evelyn is Laura's best friend in there even though they both hate each other and she fancies Alex.

Someone goes tonight, then just another 4 days then it is all over but at this point in time unless we have the usual BB twist there are actually 8 housemates in the final so there are going to be some very rushed and short interviews (their poor little egos'). Will miss this series and the characters in it but luckily only have to wait for two nights and then the big one starts but CBB will have to be very good to beat this BB. You never know there might even be some famous people actually in it.

Newquay2013's picture

Thank goodness we are nearly at the end of this totally tedious series. I have always been a BB fan but must admit to being bored to tears at this current series I haven't actually viewed much of it like I always used to.

It's the same old same old needs a massive overhaul or we need to wave a sad farewell to what in the past has been a brill series . But hey that's just my opinion.

mansellmum's picture

Well the final arrived after 7 weeks of drama, tantrums, a near drowning, sex, lies and game playing. I sat back ready to watch Hughie waltz off into Ryan's arms with the prize money (even if only to scrape his name off Ryan's boob (sorry I meant heart). I am still waiting, Hughie lost it by less than 1% to Jason, thanks very much Charlie you played a blinder, I completely blame you for this.

Putting my upset aside, Jason is a worthy winner, he was really put through it in the last few weeks, especially by some of the bitter ex housemates in the tasks who didn't seem to understand the concept of a game show, Jason played a much better game than you (granted with a lot of help off the deranged ex Charlie), get over it.

Jackson of the many accents, fake laughter and tears came in third, bless his cotton socks, he really thought he had it in the bag. Andy did very well to come 4th, he grew on me over the series, still say give this man his own show. Evelyn and Jayne were rightly 5th and 6th.

Poor Alex and Sam just missed out on the final, cruelly dismissed with no fan fair in the middle of the Fairground task on Sunday evening. Don't understand how either of them made it this far in the show, if they had been any further under the radar they would have been in Australia, answers on a postcard please. The other housemates showed their devastation at this loss for oh at least 5 minutes and then quickly recovered when told they were all definitely in it to win it.

Always find the final night a bit boring and this one didn't disappoint, it is just a two hour process to rid the house of the contestants until we meet the winner (which should of course have been Hughie but I'm not bitter...much). Marco Pierre White Jnr was noticeable by his absence which was unexplained but I think his Father had him locked in a room somewhere, parent's can only take so much embarrassment. Ryan (more's the pity) was there, all the blooming time, where there was a camera, there he was and usually with his lips attached to Hughie's face like a sink plunger, if Hughie's night hadn't been bad enough!

All in all great series, I'm not a BB fan usually and I loved it. . Rumoured line up seems pretty good, apart from one who's name makes me cringe every time I hear it, yes Grant Bovey I am talking about you. Watch this space.....