“The game has changed,” we were told as the antique reality roadshow embarked on its 17th series. It certainly has. Welcome to Extremely Minor Celebrity Big Brother.

Officially, this is the one where complete unknowns launch their desperate bids for fame and fortune. And fail.

But as the latest ludicrous losers traipsed into Channel 5’s house of horror some of them were not as obscure as – to coin a phrase – “the others”.

Great to see the lovely Lateysha Grace resurfacing to remind us she has a tattoo of a sheep on her most erogenous zone. She had this stylish artwork done when she was a “star” of MTV’s everyday story of Welsh high-flyers The Valleys, a lowlife romp on the wild side that made Geordie Shore look intellectually challenging.

Despite evidence to the contrary, Lateysha is convinced she’s a breath-taking beauty. “I’m stunning,” she insisted. “A diva, like. Stunning. Everybody fancies me.” Something of an optimistic overstatement? You decide.

Either way, Ms “Dis” Grace waddled up the stairway to hell vowing: “I’m literally not scared of no one.” Which, if you unscramble the negatives, means she’s scared of everyone. But, having seen her on The Valleys, trust me, this girl will make her mark. Not in a good way.

Next up in the list of almost famous nobodies was chef’s son Marco Pierre White Jnr. who has parties in hotels and sometimes finds people sleeping on his floor that he doesn’t know. Crazy, just crazy. He gets angry when he’s drunk. Gosh.

But if you thought mad Marco was an also ran, here’s Scouse male model Alex Cannon - not known to millions as Vicky Pattison’s best friend. When Ms P toured the country filming her little remembered flop Judge Vicky, nice but dull Alex was her chauffeur. Er… that’s it.

Also peering just above the parapet is PC warrior Andy West, the regional Beeb reporter suspended from his job after expressing his disgust over his employers allowing “homophobic misogynist” boxer Tyson Fury to be a contender for the BBC Sports Personality Of The Year award.

“I’d like to think the best thing about me is my brain,” said likeable Andy. Well, it’s certainly not his clothes.

Meanwhile, token toff Georgina Leigh Cantwell, who returned from America because she allegedly missed her horses, has already hosted her own programme The Taking Of New York. Innocent country type? Really? She’s taking us for a ride.

And over in the alternative house where The Others are secretly plotting to create “pain and paranoia”, the risible Ryan Ruckledge is vaguely recognisable as The X Factor no-hoper who got so sozzled at Boot Camp that Simon Cowell called him “a horror of a human being”. One of the Dark Lord’s more perceptive assessments.

Another of The Others Jayne Connery, 49, growled: “I’m a little bulldog.” But enough of what you look like. What kind of person are you?

Meanwhile, back in the main house, terror twins Emma and Victoria Jensen were doing their best to be zany and way out there. But their blatantly contrived wacky act fell apart when vegan Vic sensationally revealed: “I’m not going to drink alcohol.” Outrageous!

It’s possible that I may have misheard modest Laura “I could have every man in the room” Carter. But I could have sworn she said: “I’ve gone from housewife to absolute international boiler.” If not, why not?

Not forgetting "vastly wealthy" tycoon Chelsea (yes, Chelsea) Singh who announced: “I sold my first company for about two and a half billion pounds.” About? Billion? If you say so Mr Bigshot.

And, all the way from Sydney’s exciting suburbs, self-styled sultry siren Evelyn Ellis arrived on British TV and boasted: “My best feature would be my t*ts.” Thanks.

So there you have it. A corrosive cocktail of wannabes, never will-bes and already have-beens. Add to that the fact that a few of them will find themselves face to face with the former lovers from hell, and it’s safe to say there may be trouble ahead.

It’s a cross between Big Brother, Celebrity Big Brother and Ex Not On The Beach. Will it work? Put it this way… the manipulative producers aren’t leaving anything to chance. I can’t say I’m as excited as squealy host Emma Willis. But stand by for an explosive summer of discontent.

Last word to Blackpool’s not particularly handsome dork-about-town with weird curly hair Sam Giffen: “People have told me I’m the best looking person they’ve ever seen.” Sam, mate, that’s only because you patted their guide dogs.