Ask any copper or lawyer. When Lewis Bore aggressively threw that drink into Heavy D’s face from close range it was common assault. In other words, a crime.

I’m not saying for a second he deserves to be prosecuted. It was the heat of the moment. In the pressure-cooker goldfish bowl of the Celebrity Big Brother house Essex Boy lost his temper. We all make mistakes.

But after his blatant act of violence why was Lewis only warned? And why, when he hadn’t come close to breaking the law, was Christopher Biggins unceremoniously kicked out?

The answer is the producers make up the rules as they go along. And poor old Biggins is both middle aged and middle class. And he knows how to behave. All no nos on this show. Lewis is a young underclass yob who hasn’t a clue about decorum. Therefore, Channel 5 wants him to stick around as long as possible.

Add to that Bloor’s blatant showmance with stylish Geordie Shore “star” Marnie Simpson and there you have it… he’s fool proof. He’ll never get the boot no matter what he does.

Ditto roofing sensation Stephen Bear whose psychotic antics clearly intimidate the other contestants, particularly the women. His shouting, screaming and mad-eyed staring amounts to a kind of bullying. But our horrible hero is the favourite to win. How depressing is that?

Big Brother voters tend to confuse course accents, vile animal-like manners and frequent swearing with genuineness. They think Bear is “real”, salt of the earth. Anyone with good manners and a posh speaking voice is dismissed as “fake”. Happens every series. It’s pathetic.

Talking of pathetic, farewell Heavy D, the massive man mountain who came and went without anyone ever realising who the hell he was. I’m pretty certain he’s not sure either.

Actually, the more this fabulously low-rent series progressed the more I warmed to him. He can hardly form words but it seemed like his heart was in the right place. Under about a foot of fat. We’re really gonna miss looking at that outlandishly obese body.

Strange to base your entire life around bellowing “BOOM!” every 30 seconds. Even stranger that Fatso thought that this would make him unbeatably popular with the viewers. He couldn’t believe it when “The Boominater” was evicted.

Anyway, we’re almost in the final furlong. When two more desperadoes get their marching orders on Friday you can bet your bottom dollar that lowlife trio Lewis, Marnie and Bear will be waving them goodbye. The unholy trinity ain’t going anywhere. You heard it here first.