Coronation Street. Kylie milks her death for all its worth

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Coronation Street. Kylie milks her death for all its worth

July 19, 2016 - 18:02
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She’s gone to a far better place. And it’s not Barbados. Farewell then tragic Kylie, we thought you’d never die. Talk about milking it!

David cradles Kylie on the cobbles

She’s gone to a far better place. And it’s not Barbados. Farewell then tragic Kylie, we thought you’d never die. Talk about milking it!

In their time honoured fashion Coronation Street’s hype-tastic producers promised us a dramatic departure like we’d never seen before. Then she was stabbed. Like we’ve seen so many times before.

Our courageous heroine’s climactic grapple with cartoon villain Clayton wasn’t very well choreographed. It was like a feeble punch-up in a primary school play. Racing to his stricken wife’s aid, David Platt had to suddenly slow down because she hadn’t yet collapsed.

And then an absurdly prolonged death scene that John Wayne would have rejected as too corny. Followed by distraught Dave’s primal scream of thespian anguish as Kylie finally croaked. Just in case you didn’t catch it, he did it again for good measure. Actors eh?

Meanwhile, as always at moments of other people’s distress, the rest of the cobblestones crew gathered to gawp at the show. Watching vulture-like from a safe distance as a major character bit the dust. I’m surprised they didn’t applaud.

“You’re not gonna die,” cried blood spattered David, inaccurately, “You’re brave. Who else would move half way round the world at the drop of a hat?” Her sister Becky, for starters.

Yes, before her untimely demise, Kylie was all set to head to the Caribbean where she would do manicures and her reformed psycho husband would cut holiday-makers’ hair. A new life in the sun. What could possibly go wrong?

At the eagerly-awaited conclusion of her epic goodbye, she told sobbing Dave: “Tell the kids that I still love them. If they had to lose one of us, I’m glad it was me.” So are the script writers, who clearly had no idea what else to do with a former lap dancer turned drug addict turned fully fledged killer. She was all played out. She had to go.

Naturally, that stunning innovation CCTV has yet to reach the 1970s world of the Street. So Kylie’s last fight outside the kebab joint was not caught on camera. Adding to the anachronistic unrealism, the ambulance took a couple of hours to arrive. And when it did, it was a hatchback. At no point did any other traffic appear. Did they seal off the entire area or something?

After launching his own investigation, crowbar-wielding David’s struggle with Clayton on the same balcony where Tina met her maker was right down there with Clayton’s earlier clash with Kylie. Cobblers. Simply not convincing. And then the murderer got away. But will he get away with murder? Like Kylie did when she murdered Callum.

So Jason Grimshaw’s gone to Thailand, Kylie’s just gone and now we learn that gormless Gail’s dream burglar Michael Rodwell is on the way out too. There’s a wind of change blowing through Corrie. And not before time.

The end of Kylie felt like a hurriedly cobbled together faux-sensation by a soap that’s desperate to get talked about. But the fact is the Weatherfield gang don’t do this stuff as well as they used to. They need an authentic blockbuster storyline as a matter of urgency.

Can new producer Kate Oates restore Corrie to its former glory? With the lynchpins dropping like flies, she he has an increasingly blank canvass to work on. We wish her luck. God knows she’s gonna need it.

There are 2 Comments

GeordieArmani's picture

By Debbie Steedman @GeordieArmani

A dragged out death it was for sure but I don't think they would have had it any other way. Poor David eh? He will recover and marry again and end up like with Gail with five wives to his name.

Now the story line about Leanne and Steve might prove interesting, though it is about as likely at Norris getting Karla up the duff. Easy watching and always has the nation hooked.

GeordieArmani's picture

The long awaited final goodbye for the streets bad girl turned good girl turn murderer has eventually aired.

In typical soap fashion no one bothered to attend, half her neighbours didn't even bother to turn up. Saying that even her sister didn't manage to make an appearance. She has been rather quiet about it all hasn't she?

Todd tried to steal the lime-light and barked up the wrong tree all over again. Little Sarah spilled the beans and it looks like Craigy is going to bag himself a girlfriend who could be his long lost sister from the same Mother!!

Happy viewing.