Coronation Street. The plots sicken

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Coronation Street. The plots sicken

November 18, 2016 - 08:44
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Deep in the through-the-looking-glass fantasy land they call Coronation Street the anorexically thin plots are losing credibility faster than David Platt in a runaway car.

Super-sleuth Michael Rodwell and Tweety-Bird lookalike Pat Phelan

Deep in the through-the-looking-glass fantasy land they call Coronation Street the anorexically thin plots are losing credibility faster than David Platt in a runaway car.

In the worst storyline of the year, airhead Maria is in jail on a murder rap. An unusual state of affairs considering there’s no body. But of course there are those incriminating scissors that crazy Caz coated in blood, the ones Maria left at home while she was at the salon presumably cutting hair with her fingers.

Meanwhile, burns victim Anna is having terrible difficulty getting used to hobbling about on her crutches. Mainly, because they’re back to front. If she just tried turning them round life would be considerably less arduous. Congratulations for the extensive research that went into getting that one wrong. So professional.

In other news, stroke victim Ken Barlow’s rapidly expanding family is multiplying like the heads on a hydra. Blink and you’ll miss another relative suddenly joining the fray. Oh look, there’s his Jock the lad Scottish grandson Adam over from Canada driving a flash Jaguar and flashing the cash. And who’s this mounting a bedside vigil? Yes, it’s another of serial philanderer Ken’s offspring by another of his many lovers. A lukewarm welcome to bookish Daniel, his son by long-forgotten Denise. It’s so hard to keep up.

But the big development is the growing concern over Pat Phelan’s development. After handing over hefty deposits, half of Weatherfield including Rita, Sarah and Jenny can’t wait to move into their new flats just as soon as Pat and his sinister mate Vinny have finished building them. Not one of the gullible halfwits has been to inspect the site. Nor has Eileen, who has ploughed her life savings into Tweety Bird lookalike Phelan’s phantom project. These idiots are ludicrously stupid.

Suspicious cynic that he is, reformed cat burglar Michael Rodwell decided to take a look. And he found no work going on and no workmen. Just two vicious guard dogs called Pinky and Perky who duly chased him away.

By now even Eileen was harbouring doubts. Especially after Michael told her he’d overhead Pat making plans to head to Mexico. And when her dodgy boyfriend got hypersensitive about the contents of his mysterious rucksack she finally realised something was amiss.

But just as super-sleuth Rodwell thought he had the villain of this far-fetched tale cornered in the Rovers, Phelan played his trump card. He opened his rucksack, pulled out a wedding ring and asked Eileen to marry him. As always, she said yes. And everyone thought Pat was a good guy after all. No need for anyone to ask what else was in that sizeable bag. Those air tickets, passports and bundles of loot were of no possible interest.

Suddenly wedding bells were in the air and Eileen was blissfully happy again. Snuggling up to Phelan in the pub, she purred: “You make me feel safe. This is the first time in my life I’m not worried about the future.” There may be trouble ahead.

This is all hopelessly feeble stuff. Soap melodrama by numbers without taking the trouble to make it remotely plausible. Any rare similarities to the real world are entirely accidental. No wonder angry viewers are demanding that Corrie raises its game.

But at least the writers are on top comic form. Spotting hunky Adam at the factory, Eva was so taken aback she lost her grip on a box of underwear. Adam: “You almost dropped your knickers.” Give her a couple of days and there’ll be no almost about it.

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sharshy's picture

The plots are getting ridiculous and we need more of the humour Corry is know for as that was its appeal compared to the other depressing violent soups. People need more older characters that are not so PC. Bring back more of Norris and characters like Blanch. Rosie looks like her face has had too many fillers.