By Anna May

Oh…just stop it. Just stop it now. The scenes of rubbish scattered across the roads and pavements in Albert Square are ridiculous. Nobody has a broom? Nobody thinks it might be their job to pick up the garbage outside their own property? Nobody in Walford, other than Jack and his eager Beavers, knows how to pull a bin bag off a roll and put litter into it? It’s just too much now, it really is.

Even Donna moaned, “I am so sick of everyone going on about these bins!” Exactly, Donna! But then you started moaning about YOUR bins and how Billy has been stuffing his excess waste into them! Never mind, though, brother Vincent is at hand to empty it all back on to Billy’s front doorstep. I’ve had enough.

Not sure Billy needs the stress right now, seeing as Jay’s been nicking from the funeral business to pay someone from his past. It wasn’t enough, though, and he now has to pay interest too! Of course he does! This is Eastenders! Things can only get worse and worse and worse and WORSE!

Poor Kim. No driving licence, but decides it’s okay to slap L plates on Vincent’s car and drive round the Square without a qualified driver at her side. Takes her eyes off the road for two seconds and crashes into Dot’s car at break-nothing speed. Dot’s no better. Can’t even see the road in front of her because her eyesight’s going.

As if Dot’s not having a hard enough time of it already, what with Kim slagging her off for being too old to drive, Patrick's new girlfriend, Claudette, goes all bunny boiler on her about the time Patrick spends helping her out…and even stops him putting up Dot’s new sound-proof curtains so she can’t hear the fireworks. (They won’t work, just sayin’...) So, of course, Dot climbs up a mini stepladder to try to put them up herself and immediately falls off it again. I did NOT see THAT coming. Claudette’s fault! She did it!

Wait, though. Here comes Kathy to mess up Ben’s plans to donate part of his liver to alcoholic dad, Phil. Obviously, Ben tells her straight that she hasn’t been much of a mum to him in the past and to get lost, but she’s having none of it. As far as she’s concerned she cares too much about him to let him go ahead with it. Kathy…mate…you let him believe you were dead. Yes, you did. You left Ben to cope with the death of his mother for years and years…and then…just came back…alive. No. No. NO!

At last! Jane confronts Steven about the accounts, after finding payments from the business account to a bogus wine seller. But then he tells her all about Peter’s troubles back in New Zealand and when Lauren finds out, she’s in two minds as to whether she should go back there to be with Peter again. Will she, or won’t she? I cannot bear the suspense...

Oh dear, Jane. First she’s cross with Steven for taking money from the business, but then decides he lied for the right reasons. Aww…she’s so understanding, isn’t she. Doesn’t help her, though, does it. Because, meanwhile, Steven tells Lauren, “Jane’ll keep quiet, I’ll make sure of it.” He’ll make sure of it? I mean, seriously, I don’t know how much more physical harm Jane can actually endure at the hands of Ian’s kids. One more murder attempt and I swear…

On a brighter note…isn’t it lovely that Jane has such a pleasant and chatty carer. Although, quite unfair that she’s probably had more lines in one episode than committed barmaid Tracey’s had in thirty years!

So, what are Bex and Shakil up to then? Not quite managing to have the sexy time they keep planning, that’s what. One minute Shakil calls Bex frigid for pushing him away, the next he’s not fussed about it and everything’s back to normal. So, yeah, that happened. Stacey doesn’t help with comments to Martin like, "…and Bex is 16. In case you ain't noticed, she is a grown up an' all." No she ain't! But then Martin responds by inferring Stacey’s always right! Martin, have you ever met your wife before?

What a lovely couple Whitney and Lee make. Shame he’s going to get them both into debt and ruin it all. Getting a loan on line is as easy as renting a house on Eastenders. One click of the mouse and 'Congratulations your money will be transferred to your account'. He was £280.81 overdrawn in his bank…so borrowed £2000. Good luck with that. Now follow the link to ‘moveacrossthesquarenow.com’, where you can click on any house you like and just drag and drop your belongings into it.

Good old Lee, though. Refuses to be tempted by the stripper his best mate bought him for his stag night. Yep, it was held in the Vic with Whitney upstairs. Yep...they went paint-balling first, then spent the rest of the evening in the Vic. I can’t even….

Whitney has a heart to heart with Lauren and urges her to stay on the Square and give Steven a chance, instead of rushing back to New Zealand to be with Peter again. Then she announces to Linda, Sharon AND LAUREN that she’s hoping to find a place for her and Lee in Stratford. Weirdly, Lauren then tells her she’s going to stay in Walford and looks forward to Louie playing with Whitney’s new baby if she has one. Whitney just told you she’s leaving Walford, Lauren. So, do you understand that if Whitney is going to live in Stratford, she and Lee and any babies they have will not be living in Walford anymore? Lauren? Writers? Anyone? Helloooo?

Oh…and Denise. How could we forget Denise. Tries to have a secret evening out, but Kim, Honey and Donna are on to her. Not difficult, was it…really. Turns out the evening didn’t go as well as she wanted. Why? We don’t know. More worrying, though, is the book she brought home and threw away. ‘Happy Days’ by Samuel Beckett. Happy days? No chance. In the bin where it belongs…and where it’ll stay FOREVER! because the recycling is NEVER, EVER going to be collected AGAIN!

Does anyone else think Linda looks like a borrower, sitting there at the kitchen table with her ten foot knitting needles? No? Just me then.

Finally, what’s going on with Carmel and Masood? Does she ever stop moaning about that poor man! Either get it on, or don’t. I’d gladly do his washing up for him! Plus, I love cats and I would most certainly let him cram as much of his meat into my fridge as he could possibly manage. Oh, now, this is getting…um…maybe I should delete that last bit.