EastEnders. Why attend your mother’s funeral when you can hide in the bushes outside?

Time to read
4 minutes
Read so far

EastEnders. Why attend your mother’s funeral when you can hide in the bushes outside?

July 05, 2016 - 15:29
Posted in:
1 reader reviews
Average: 5 (2 votes)
Rate this programme

It began with a spirited rendition of The Kinks’ classic anthem Days (as in, thank you for them) and the milkman saluting the Queen Vic pub sign. Stirring stuff.

Grant Mitchell hides in the bushes

It began with a spirited rendition of The Kinks’ classic anthem Days (as in, thank you for them) and the milkman saluting the Queen Vic pub sign. Stirring stuff.

Yes, EastEnders was in very-special-episode mode as the Cockney rabble prepared to pay their last respects to the legendary Peggy Mitchell.

Only two Albert Square residents closed their curtains as a mark of respect. “Our standards? What’s happened to them?” sighed Dot Branning, who killed her son.

One doesn’t want to seem too hard hearted. But mummy’s boy Phil Mitchell’s cry-baby antics didn’t do a whole lot for his tough guy image. Stop weeping and man up!

Mortified while her blubbing husband fell apart at the seams, bland bombshell Sharon declared: “He’s not in a good place.” Damned right he isn’t. It’s called Walford.

Naturally, Peggy’s final journey through the streets of London was by horse drawn hearse. Her coffin was emblazoned with white flowers spelling out the word MUM.

Back for the sad occasion and dressed all in black, Sam Mitchell’s inappropriate plunging neckline exposed her breast assets to an indecent degree. “She’s got absolutely no class,” snarled Ronnie Mitchell, who snatched Kat Moon’s baby and murdered gangster Carl White.

Then the ceremony and a strange exodus. After collapsing under the weight of the casket, failed pallbearer Phil failed to deliver the eulogy.

“Mum was born,” he announced, accurately. “I’m sorry, I can’t do this.” And with that he stormed out of the church. Followed swiftly by busty Sam who found the “whole thing overwhelming”. Moments later, Sharon also left and went looking for Phil.

Reversing the trend, secretive Grant Mitchell arrived carrying a single red rose. Quite why Baldy decided to spend his mother’s funeral hiding in the bushes remains a mystery. These people are A-grade weirdos.

Following Peggy’s burial the mourners traipsed back to the Vic, where Phil finally pulled himself together to make a perfunctory speech and, with a dreary inevitability, everyone sang Roll Out The Barrel.

Along the way there was some old rubbish about Peggy shopping Phil and Grant’s dad to the police to stop him beating them all up.

This, according to wheelchair bound Aunt Sally, was meant to be the watershed moment when Phil realised he’d never really known his mother. Gosh.

Although it didn’t seem like much of a big deal, it obviously was for Phil. Armed with the important new information, he returned to the grave and sobbed: “I love you Mum. Bye Mum.” What a script. Here’s to the writers.

And, of course, to bring the curtain down on the sombre proceedings, a movingly slow version of the theme tune. Pass the Kleenex. So long Peggy. It’s been real.

There is 1 Comment

Kevin O'Sullivan's picture

Submitted by Anna May on Tue, 05/07/2016 - 14:23   

By Anna May

So…Peggy’s gone completely now, I think….and what a lovely event it was, with those beautiful black horses trotting her to the funeral and a milk float appropriately stopping outside the Vic a few seconds before. I actually half-expected her coffin to be on the back of it, given the relevance, but no.

I did wonder if the whole episode would be dominated by the funeral, but we were also blessed with Kathy and Buster sniffing round each other, Pam and Les crying at each other, Sam and Sharon sniping at each other and Jack’s 147th child, Rickayyy II, being an annoying brat.

I reckon Peggy would have been proud of her kids as she was laid to rest. One went home after telling everyone she was a crap mum and the other two just skulked about in the bushes. So touching.

Unbelievably, we already have Ronnie completely ignoring the fact Andy pulled her phone line from its socket in a menacing way and possesses a printout of a news article about her dead daughter, Danielle. He really wasn’t very nice to her at all, but that’s okay. Even if he did scare the shit out of her and she wanted him to leave, she’s forgiven him now and he’s staying…in her house...with her family…because intimidating, creepy people always deserve a second chance, right? Ridiculous.

Although, unlike Peggy’s own offspring, at least Ronnie was actually at her graveside, along with Roxy. Poor Roxy, though. She spent a whole five minutes trying to leave Walford, but then stayed. All that effort packing her bright pink bags for nothing. I thought I was watching Apprentice for a second there.

Fortunately, Sharon stepped in and ordered everyone about until it was sorted. Sharon speaks and people listen. Except for Kathy, who just talks over her all the time, because she can’t shut up, basically. In any case, I think all the brick-like hints about Sharon becoming the new Queen of Walford and general go-to person for a bit of advice, a telling off, or a helpful knowing look, can stop now. Stop them…now…thanks.

What with all the flirting going on in the Square, I really can’t keep up. I know Shirley still has a soft spot for the gorgeous Phil, but these women lusting after her Captain Birdseye really should beware. Surely, nobody with a permanently angry face like that could ever forgive another woman for slipping her fella a nice bit of tongue. Yes, I know he’s not a butcher…I just drew a blank on fish puns.

Talking of drawing blanks, poor Donna had no luck conceiving Vincent’s baby this month. Such a nice thing for her foster brother to do for her, but I’m with Kim on this one. Also, Donna’s probably one of my favourite characters at the moment, so I’ll be disappointed if she loses all her wit and attitude to a long drawn-out storyline of stress and sadness. Eastenders wouldn’t do anything that depressing, though. Oh wait…

Meanwhile, Sonia doesn’t want to be with Tina anymore. So, in true Jackson style, rather than just ending the relationship and asking her to move out, she pours more misery on to herself by letting Tina move her mentally unstable mother in as well. Of course! It doesn’t help that she snogged Martin the other day either. As usual, one big mess on top of another.

Hang on…what’s this? Kathy lets Buster in and, with a big smile on her face, tells him they’re on and kisses him? Why does everyone fancy Buster now! Especially when Phil’s still alive…just. What is going ON! Shirley’s got Buster, Carmel wants him and Kathy’s having him…as we speak. But then, Sharon’s got Phil, Kathy’s had him, Denise has been there, but Shirley wants him…again. Then there’s Grant, but what about Max? Oh, I give up.

Good news, though. A Hollywood star wants to join in the fun too! So come on, Charlie Sheen. Put an end to all this bald-bothering madness. Let’s ‘ave some ‘air on the Square!