Cue Phil Schofield’s excruciating ironic narration and bring on the clever star of the show’s theatrical thickness. Yes, it’s another same-again instalment of Educating Joey Essex.

This one’s about the “reem Queen at 90”. An hour of riveting TV in which Joey – who’s so dim he’s a multi-millionaire – prepares to meet Her Majesty. And then doesn’t.

For some reason it’s deemed necessary that our numbskull hero should undergo etiquette and elocution lessons before standing in the crowd and hoping on the off-chance that Liz will stop and chat as she goes walkabout near Windsor Castle.

The intrepid Towie guy spends a day with former palace press secretary Dickie Arbiter, hangs out with ex BBC royal reporter Jennie Bond, goes horse riding at William and Harry’s polo club and attends a posh London party thrown by top people’s magazine Tatler. No one knows why.

Thorough to a fault, Joey also bonds with a pack of Corgis. Although he draws the line at cupping one of the dogs’ testicles. What a load of balls.

Later, he gets a suit made at Prince Philip’s tailors so he looks the part ahead of not encountering the reigning monarch. This is how to fill an epically empty documentary.

Last but certainly least, he makes a child-like birthday card addressed to “Your Magesey”. Proud of his work, he enquires: “Do you reckon she’ll take it serious?” No.

As it happens, although the Queen fails to even notice smartly dressed Essex standing gormlessly among the thousands of flag wavers, the Duke Of Edinburgh actually speaks to him. For about ten seconds.

Spotting Joey holding a £5.50 bunch of petrol station flowers, HRH advises him to hurdle the security barrier. “Jump over if you want to get them to her,” he says. Luckily, the significance is lost on Joey and he dismisses Phil as “the geezer I thought was from Chigwell”. As opposed to Greece.

What a shame Mr Essex didn’t heed the regal advice, leap towards the monarch and get arrested. That would have delivered a far more satisfying conclusion than the pointless whimper we ended up with.

Dutifully ploughing through his allegedly hilarious tongue-in-cheek script, the other Phil – Schofield - doggedly pokes fun at how stupid Joey is. Again and again and again.

Acutely aware of what butters his bread, Mr Essex duly obliges with airhead tosh like: “You know like the royals, they open up stuff don’t they?” Basically, yes. And: “What does formal mean?” Real ignorance? Or contrived for our entertainment? You decide.

Either way, while we’ve been falling about laughing over how moronic he is, the object of our amused contempt has quietly amassed an estimated fortune of more than £6million. The joke is not on him.

Not nearly as phenomenally dumb as he would have us believe, Joey’s a likeable bozo and his ITV2 shows are by no means dreadful. They’re just a tad drearily predictable. He knows what’s expected of him and skilfully acts up to the cameras. What a pro.

After celebrating the Queen’s 90th in un-fine style, the next stop in this ground-breaking series is Essex Boy’s probing investigation into the EU referendum. During which he will raise the intellectual tone of the debate in wide-ranging interviews with Jeremy Corbyn and Nick Clegg. Serves them right.