“My bottom’s cracking,” said Jane as The Great British Bake Off embarked on its final BBC final and they signed off with the customary barrage of saucy innuendos.

Like Mel & Sue, the dismal double entendres weren’t funny. But like Mel & Sue, they were an integral part of the nation’s favourite TV show. Oh how the record audience of 14million loved it when Andrew chimed in with: “I’m on crack watch.” Side-splitting stuff.

“Mine are flatter than Candice’s,” sighed Jane. And when you looked closely, no doubt about it, she was right. She was of course referring to their Victoria sandwich slices.

But lest we forget, Candice had lovely jugs… the ones she asked Sue Perky to hold. As in china jugs. Ooh-er missus, you’ve got a dirty mind. Hee hee.

At its corny worst, the Bake Off was like a Carry On film without the laughs. Somehow though, this unlikely slice of TV gold all came together and worked to perfection. Which it very definitely won’t when it slopes off to die on Channel 4.

Not a classic final. They all made mistakes. But hot favourite Candice made the fewest and fully deserved to win. Sure, the three times star baker was an irritating cry-baby whenever things went wrong. But she was also a likeable Cockney who wore cocktail dresses, high heels, loads of lipstick and took the tent by storm.

Sometimes the 31 year-old PE teacher’s eye for detail was astonishing. The sticky carpet in her gingerbread pub was a stroke of genius. Her imposing peacock was probably the highlight of the series. A worthy victor whose triumph should turn her into a millionaire. Good luck to her.

Jet engine designer Andrew approached baking in the same highly technical way. Very meticulous, Mary called him in something of an understatement. His gearbox pies, complete with working cogs were unbelievable.

But the Cambridge graduate was demoralised when self-styled Mr Nasty Paul Hollywood handed out his legendary handshakes to Candice and Jane for their powerhouse Pavlovas… but gave him the cold shoulder. And then – horror of horrors – his strawberry tarts had soggy bottoms. That’s a major Bake Off no no.

Solid as always, 60 year-old garden designer Jane put up a good fight. But her 49 piece royal picnic failed to impress. The sausage roll pastry wasn’t cooked and the showcase chocolate cake looked distinctly average.

Aware right from the start that Candice was the one to beat, Jane declared: “My first prediction of the series has come true. Damn it!” Actually, they’ve become firm friends and plan to go on a baking tour together. Whatever the hell that is.

So that’s it forever then. As Candice hugged her boyfriend and their pet Pug, the joyful occasion was overshadowed by great sadness. Watching Mary, Paul, Mel and Sue lining up to congratulate the Beeb’s last champion, the viewers went into a state of mass mourning. Their beloved programme was over. Finished.

Only Mr Hollywood has taken the money to switch to the dark side. Mary, Mel and Sue are staying at the BBC. You can’t bake a cake with a quarter of the ingredients. As the top team at Channel 4 will find out when they try to recapture the magic in TV’s tent of broken dreams.

They paid a whopping £75million for one judge and some canvass. They also bought themselves a massive bucket-load of bad will. The punters hate them for stealing a charmingly quaint production that was quintessential BBC. On C4 it just won’t be the same. Its ratings will plummet so fast it’ll make Chris Evans’ disastrous Top Gear look like a smash hit.

No matter how many big names they keep throwing at the new unimproved Bake Off, it’s doomed. Kirsty Allsopp and Phil Spencer? Really? Clare Balding and Jennifer Saunders? The double act from hell. Gok Wan and Alan Carr. Even worse.

No, they had the recipe for success and they blew it. Even though the fans wouldn’t do cartwheels, maybe they could just about get away with replacing Mel and Sue. But no Mary Berry, no point. For the biggest show on telly to spectacularly self-destruct is extraordinary. Missing it already.