TOWIE: Skelingtons always come out of the cupboard

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TOWIE: Skelingtons always come out of the cupboard

April 12, 2016 - 12:44
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Confusion as TOWIE sweethearts Megan McKenna and Pete “The Pirate” Wicks discussed the status of their relationship.

Lydia Bright and her mum Debbie

Confusion as TOWIE sweethearts Megan McKenna and Pete “The Pirate” Wicks discussed the status of their relationship.

They weren’t Facebook official so the situation required clarification. Our thanks to mad Megan for making it as clear as mud.

“We’re like not exclusive but we’re exclusively seeing each other,” she said. What on earth did she mean?

Fluent in the language of love, Pete tried to translate. “So if that means we’re exclusively seeing each other or whatever the f*** you call it, then so be it.” Are they a couple now? You decide.

Either way, dark clouds are gathering on the romantic horizon. Those incendiary rumours about Meg’s dangerous liaison with Jack-the-lad Jake Hall refuse to die.

“Everybody knows it’s true,” insisted Lydia Bright. But is it? Over to the elder-stateswoman of Essex, Lydia’s mum, Debbie: “Skelingtons always come out of the cupboard.” Wise words.

Desperately trying to keep a lid on her volcanic temper, Megan assured Jake’s sceptical girlfriend Chloe Lewis: “You don’t have to believe me but I have not slept with Jake.”

Not keeping a lid on her own volcanic temper, Chloe stormed: “You want to change your reputation and you want to be this good girl. I get it. But guess what? You ain’t. You have shagged Jake. I have not got mug written across my forehead.” Yet.

After a distinctly strange kids’ fashion show at Danbury Village Hall, self-styled children’s clothes designer Jake explained that the only reason he’d been in contact with Megan was to give her “a few gels’ tracksuits”.

Will that put a stop to the gossip? Take a wild guess. Somehow you get the feeling the worst is yet to come. Excellent. Bring it on.

Meanwhile, the not-so-great Gatsby was filming his rap video and showcasing his impressive new dance move.

“It’s called the helicopter shank,” declared the imaginary superstar as he waved his hands around aimlessly. “The heli-shank.” Diags: “It looks like you’re mixing cakes.”

Hard to work out what the hell Gatsby’s video was all about. They just pointed the cameras at a packed disco and pumped in at least ten tons of dry ice.

But, resplendent in her ill-fitting baseball cap, old Debbie was thrilled to be involved. As was Gatsby’s mother Nikki.

“I think having your mum and your godmother in your video shows you’re a homey,” said Debbie.

Sadly, Gatsby warned them: “If you don’t make the final cut, you don’t make the final cut.” That’s why they call it show-business and not show-friends.

In other news, a hashtag awks moment as Courtney Green bumped into dynamic orange duo Chris Clark and Mike Hassini at Tesco and asked them: “Why have you got a basket full of fake tan?” What else do you buy in an Essex supermarket?