First Dates: Jethro and Felicity

EastEnders (BBC1, 7.30pm) Just getting a look in between all the endless Olympics coverage, Albert Square’s Cockney rabble continue their depressing odyssey through Walford’s vale of tears. It’s the clash of the bone-dome titans as the brothers grim Phil and Grant Mitchell go bald head to bald head while delivering their hilariously unconvincing tough guy impressions.

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Celebrity Big Brother Live Eviction (Channel 5, 9pm) The show that begins every episode with a warning that viewers may find it offensive… and then kicks Biggins out for being offensive. Go figure. Fingers crossed that either awful Stephen Bear or appalling Lewis Bore get their marching orders. Even Heavy D’s better than them. Who are these people?

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Borderline (Channel 5, 10pm) Fair to say that opinion is divided on this The Office-style mockumentary about useless British Border Agency immigration officers at a busy airport. Who knew they even tried to keep anyone out?

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First Dates (Channel 4, 10pm) After the celebrity version, the return of the civilian dating show in which lonely hearts coming looking for romance in TV’s restaurant of love. Will city boy Jethro hit it off with Essex girl Felicity? And can Tourette’s sufferer Damian finally find the man of his dreams?

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