The X Factor goes live! And the judges go bonkers.

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The X Factor goes live! And the judges go bonkers.

October 09, 2016 - 11:09
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The auditions are finally over, the decisions and choices at the judges houses have been made, and the final candidates for the live shows have been selected

Honey G

By Andy Simon

The auditions are finally over, the decisions and choices at the judges houses have been made, and the final candidates for the live shows have been selected.

And so the stage was set for what was predicted by those who have seen it all before, as yet another musical diatribe from a bunch of talentless, delusional wannabes, hell bent on convincing a panel of so called professional judges, who in reality couldn't give a floating fart about them, that they are the next big pop star.

Last night's live show was an eye opener . . .for ALL the wrong reasons.

I missed the first 50 minutes of the show because I was watching Strictly, and I was hoping that in the process, I had also missed that utterly dreadful and completely talentless rapper, Honey G.

How wrong I was.

After years of watching this dreadful show, I should have known better that they would be saving the worst till last.

Honey G had about as much musical talent as a tone deaf goose, about as much sex appeal as syphilis, and about as much TV interest as a one legged tap dancer with arthritis.

Her body may have been on stage, but her brain (if she indeed has one) was still in Birmingham. For she sang a mind numbingly dreadful rap song unsurprisingly, all about her.

And the judges loved her. And speaking of the judges, what the hell was going on there?

For a start, Nicole Scherzinger looked like she'd spent most of the afternoon binge drinking in every bar in the West End of London prior to appearing on the show.

Her gesticulative prancing and wide eyed nostril flaring comments did nothing in my opinion to enhance her image and credibility as a professional music performing artist.

Sharon Osbourne; the endorser of Honey G, and someone I cannot from this point on ever take seriously again, let alone forgive, was completely off her face! She looked as high as a kite and her senseless jabbering just added to her obvious spaced out demeanour.

Louis Walsh who clearly doesn't give a monkey's about anything other than his pay check liked everything that stood, warbled, wailed, screamed or shouted in front of him, saying things like, 'I liked you." and 'You have the makings of a pop star."

The guy simply doesn't give a damn.

And as for Simon Cowell; all he could do is what he always does, keeps his cool, make the odd negative comment while privately concentrating on the money, and just how much of it he can harvest from this year's crop of utter losers.

Even Dermot O'Leary thought things were strange. Now please; don't get me wrong here; I'm all for what I call Televisual Diversity.

But having a female rapper with the dress sense similar to that of Jimmy Savile and with the intellect of a spoon, followed by a pair of homosexuals singing "I'm a Barbie Girl", is hardly what I would call a diverse and entertaining Saturday Night in front of the telly.

More like a musical freak show. And it was bonkers.

I am really not certain how I will get through these live shows as we all head towards Christmas. I am hopeful that with the medication swiftly provided by my beer cellar and the anti-cringe pills I'm taking, I might get through this insanely ridiculous, talentless and utterly bonkers show, that is the X Factor.

Wish me luck. I'm gonna need it!

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There are 2 Comments

GeordieArmani's picture

But having a female rapper with the dress sense similar to that of Jimmy Savile and with the intellect of a spoon, followed by a pair of homosexuals singing "I'm a Barbie Girl", is hardly what I would call a diverse and entertaining Saturday Night in front of the telly.

Best paragraph ever relating to xfactor!!! I am going to post it on my FB page :)

Truth detective's picture

By Truth Detective

So we finally arrived at the freak show that is the live bit...

After the travesty that was Louis once again turning his tin ear in the direction of two camp minstrels who showed great prowess when it comes to wearing bacofoil and Bertie basset military buttons as a fetching two piece, but sadly could only hold a tune in a garish bucket!

Sharon again showed even with her perma- surprised bulldog clip at the back of the head expression, defied all logic and sense by allowing David Cameron in a baseball cap and welders goggles AKA Honey G- show that even if it's clear the show has no irony, and cynically let's what is a blatant sham act depose another singer who although desperate deserved far more to be on the musical gravy train to end up in Butlins belting out wavy armed ballads to semi deaf, wheelchair bound coffin dodgers!

Honey G sums up exactly what is wrong with the X Factor, the fact that no matter how much we are peddled the desperate need for phone votes, texting, app purchases- we the viewers are the ones who are really the sad, pathetic and deluded parties

As we suck from the teet of ITV's milky udder, the judges, the acts and the production team all sleep soundly as the great unwashed writhe in communal discomforting unease that in fact we are the ones being manipulated for Syco and his co horts pleasure and we should all be ashamed that we let it happen every week.