The X Factor: My TV nightmare is back

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The X Factor: My TV nightmare is back

July 26, 2016 - 18:10
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For me personally; there are certain times of the year that I quite literally dread.

The X Factor 2016 old judges line up: Simon Cowell, Sharon Osbourne

By Andy Simon

For me personally; there are certain times of the year that I quite literally dread.

For example; dental checkups, general health checkups, TV license renewal, my annual performance review with my boss, my annual finance statement from the bank (that one always makes me cringe) my fishing rod license and club membership fee, Britain's Got Talent and finally; The X Factor.

The X Factor . . . oh dear.

There are few things that can try the human soul to the very edge of its endurance, to the very hairs breath of utter madness, that has this unswerving ability to bring you to the very precipice of the ever lasting pit of TV doom and despair!

And The X Factor for me; does all this with unyielding relentlessness.
It's emotionally draining, almost physically painful to watch and yet . . .

It's so mesmerizing it's virtually impossible not to watch.

I feel like I'm one of those rabbits dazzled by the headlights of an approaching car. I know what's going to happen if I (the rabbit) don't move, trouble is; I can't.

I have to see it through right to the end.

This new series of X Factor will be the thirteenth (I think) I have watched and to this day I still don't understand why I put myself through it. But I do.

I would have thought by now, we would have run out of Pop Wannabes but like the rain in this country, they keep on gushing down onto our TV screens with relentless persistence.

And if that wasn't bad enough, this year Simon Cowell (the creator of my worst TV nightmare) brings back from the show's archives some old "Has-Been's" in the shapes of Louis Walsh, Sharon Osbourne and Nicole Scherzinger.

Even Dermot is back! Will my nightmare never end?

Maybe I'm being a little harsh here? I mean there are some good bits.

The end credits are well worth watching as you get that big rush of relief in the knowledge that the show is over for another week. It feels a bit like that nice soothing feeling you get after your first fag of the day, or your first tea or coffee.

Yeah it really hits the spot. But it doesn't last. The show returns seven days later.

And I must be fair here; the show has indeed produced some very worthy winners. For example there's Leona Lewis . . . erm . . . Leona Lewis . . . ah yes and not forgetting . . . Leona Lewis.

OK, help me out here; can you name last year's winner without googling it? Or can you name 5 past winners in chronological order or in any order?

Nope? Me neither.

In fact when you think about it; the runners up in this crazy competition typically do much better than the winners themselves. For example we all I'm sure remember JLS, Olly Murs, Diana Vickers, Fleur East, G4 and One Direction (actually they came 3rd in series 7) not forgetting Ray Quinn and Rhydian Roberts.

So really when you think about it, winning the X Factor has the same kiss of death effect to your potential professional singing career as being chosen to be the United Kingdom's next hopeful in the Eurovision Song Contest!

You see that? That's your music career running toward the horizon with it's arse on fire! Cheers Simon.

And yet; in spite of all the above, I'll be watching X Factor when it returns. Not because I'm a big big fan of the show but simply because I'm morbidly curious as to who was brave (or stupid) enough to audition in the first place . . .

And who the hell will actually win the bloomin thing?

One things for certain, in a year from now; I probably won't remember who it was. But I'll remember to tune in when the next series (if there is one) returns.

It's "Rabbit in headlights" time again. Enjoy the show.

The X Factor returns mid August me thinks. Hope you've bought some anti-cringe pills.
You're going to need them.

Thanks for reading.

There is 1 Comment

PhilipStar's picture

All in all, I suggest you watch something else rather then waste time watching this crap. Its the worst show ever of modern times. ITV only show this because it is cheap and nasty. Saturday night is really a going out night or subtitled stuff on BBC Four.

Do not waste time watching this. People like MoonflowerX3 who does Pokemon videos on YouTube is alot more of a pleasure to listen to. Even if you dislike Pokemon. Bottom line is you don't need to watch with the vast options out there.