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Not much fun on the high seas

After ensuring that the new SUGAR ME SWEET Arg recruits had no pornographic material “including inflatable dolls”, master-atarms Ian Gritt was ready to embark on a TV voyage.

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Back to the funny farm

A triumphant week for fat Arg as he was kicked off The Jump for being rubbish and finished his stint on ITV’s Sugar Free Farm by tucking into a caramel sundae. Fail.

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Davina adds insult to injury

Launching the bloodbath with a greeting to men only, deafening Davina McCall screamed: “Hold on to your helmets!”

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Restaurant a washout

The Beeb's public funded EastEnders writers don't understand the cut and thrust of commerce. So crap businesses are a way of life in Albert Square.

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The Bedrock of laughing shock

On the plus side, the intrepid modern Brits struggling to survive like pretend cavemen haven't yet moved into a hotel. As last year's contingent did when it snowed.

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Variety is the price of strife

As seen on ITV, the latest epic Royal Variety Performance was the best for years. Or to put it more accurately... the least terrible.

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Historically laughably inaccurate and comically terrible

The final episode of stately ITV soap Downton Abbey's last series had all the compellingly unrealistic elements that keep us glued to Corrie and EastEnders...

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