Quote of the week on The Apprentice as no-hoper Charleine took an optimistic view of her bid to flog the world's worst snack bars...
Pretend doctor in the house! Slithering into Celebrity Big Brother's cesspit of doom, wizened Gillian McKeith achieved the impossible. She actually lowered the tone.
Week 347 of The Voice’s endless blind auditions and the BBC’s duplicitous obsession with back stories continued apace.
So someone gives you a briefcase stuffed with loadsamoney... what do you do? I know what you’re thinking. You’d go straight out and buy a raccoon for a mere 460 quid. Who wouldn’t?
A triumphant week for fat Arg as he was kicked off The Jump for being rubbish and finished his stint on ITV’s Sugar Free Farm by tucking into a caramel sundae. Fail.
Launching the bloodbath with a greeting to men only, deafening Davina McCall screamed: “Hold on to your helmets!”
On the plus side, the intrepid modern Brits struggling to survive like pretend cavemen haven't yet moved into a hotel. As last year's contingent did when it snowed.
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