As series ten of Britain’s Got Talent got off to a pretty strong start, reclusive judge Amanda Holden’s rich and varied ad-libs stole the show.

“Oh my God!” she gasped as foot jugglers Michael and Dari gyrated around the stage. “Oh my God!” she gasped when virtually the entire audience turned out to be a massive orchestra…

“Oh my God!” she gasped when David Walliams arrived in his comedy Cowell outfit. “Oh my God!” she gasped after that kid Beau Dermott defied belief with her stunning rendition of Defying Gravity.

Which brings us to another of amazing Amanda’s irritating traits. Her inability to understand the purpose of the Golden Buzzer.

What was the point in pressing the button when the other panellists loved Beau too? A dead cert to sail through to the semi-finals, she didn’t require anyone’s help. FYI Amanda… you’re supposed to wait for an act that you alone want to save.

A longstanding YouTube sensation, 12 year-old Beau had “specially recruited” written all over her. Recycling one of his favourite clapped out clichés, Simon insisted: “We were not expecting that.” But I suspect they were.

But even if this stirring SuBo moment did seem rather stage-managed, it was still mesmerising. What a great little singer. She should have been the highlight of the night. But - thanks to the impossibly cute dog and the crazy sword swallower – wasn’t.

Naturally, there were a couple of children who made the grade purely because of their youth. A so so solo dancer called Paisley and junior stand-up comedian George Kavanagh, who told four rubbish jokes and got four yeses. First rule of BGT… the young and the old are always patronised.

Second rule of BGT… the Diversity rip-offs are always wildly overpraised. Like shameless copycats Elite Squad Royalz with their Beefeater uniforms and a pretend Queen. Boy, are this lot desperate to perform at the Royal Variety Show. Sadly, it’s never gonna happen.

Meanwhile, wise move by master-mimic Darren Altman to name the famous people he was allegedly impersonating. His utterly unrecognisable Gordon Ramsay was hilariously hopeless. And his obligatory Dec was just a generic Geordie with a disastrously deep voice.

For some reason, this guy was hailed as an undiscovered genius. “Of all the impression acts we’ve had, I genuinely think this is the best and most original,” gushed Cowell. “Absolutely hilarious.” He so wasn’t.

And now, meet the ludicrous losers. A self-styled music hero who refused to give his name but got three yeses just to annoy the Dark Lord (a running theme).  A trio of bad belly dancers outstaying their welcome because the buzzers stopped working…

A guy with silver foil over his head playing horrible-sounding instruments. The world’s worst ventriloquist Tony Baloney. And vegetable entertainment specialist Madame Zucchini’s horticultural  version of Star Wars featuring Leek Skywalker, Aubergine Wan Kenobe and Chew Broccoli. Four nos.

“After ten years,” sighed Simon. “Maybe we’ve run out of talent in this country.” Which presumably explains the presence of Russia’s Got Talent winner Alex Magala, the mad Moldovan who shoves swords down his throat and cheats death in heart-stopping style.

Good luck to Alex. Up against marvellous mutt Trip Hazard, he’s gonna need it. An adorable pooch delivering a faultless routine. With his likeable owner Lucy, this strangely named hound is going to be hard to beat.

Pound signs in his eyes, Cowell declared: “I can imagine little Trips in toy shops all over the world.” And guess who’ll be Trip’s financial advisor.

As always, giggling in the wings, Ant & Dec were on fine form. And, as always, wacky Walliams played it strictly for laughs at Uncle Simon’s expense.

Throughout a dazzling decade, ITV’s most successful programme has never really changed. If the winning format ain’t broke, don’t fix it. Sure, Britain’s running out of talent. But who cares?