The truth is out there, but in the wacky world of The X Files it’s a lot stranger than fiction.

To say that the final episode of the comeback series didn’t quite tie up all the loose ends would be an understatement of epic proportions. Like saying the Titanic didn’t quite complete its journey.

The jarringly abrupt ending didn’t so much leave the punters wanting more… it left us in dire need of a conclusion. Even a vague one.

Instead, the half told story simply ceased in mid-flow with Scully, Mulder and Agent Miller stuck on a Washington bridge as a flying saucer hovered above waiting to beam them aboard.

If the suspense is killing you… you’ll be stone dead before they reveal what happens next. In about a year.

Anyway, while humanity faced the grim prospect of total extinction and this six-part season suddenly stopped, Scully took a long hard look at the plot and sighed: “It makes no sense.” Agreed.

You could tell our species was dying out because DC’s gridlocked traffic was at a standstill. A clear sign of the plague. Luckily, Scully was the only motorist in the whole city to work out she could avoid the jams by driving on the sidewalk.

Just as well, because - shock, horror - “alien DNA was lurking in every American citizen” and the Doc had just invented the vaccine to save them all. Yay. But with Mulder on the critical list, there was no time to waste.

“All of you, get to the hospital,” she announced quietly as riots erupted on the streets. Thanks Scull, that should restore calm.

In other news… a disastrously dim woman called Einstein disgraced the family name, that evil bloke carried on smoking through his neck and maniac online rent-a-rant Tad O’Malley actually expected to be taken seriously.

But what a turn up for the books… it transpired that the Earth’s “dark forces” were not from outer space but part of “a larger conspiracy of men hiding science from the American people for 60 years”. Blimey, that sounds worrying. I think.

All absurd, of course. But as always, decent double act David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson delivered superior sci-fi entertainment. In a daft kinda way.

Planet USA is the conspiracy theory capital of the universe. And this far-fetched tosh is must-see TV for those who believe that sinister secret organisations control our lives. Just because you’re paranoid it doesn’t mean they’re not out to get you.