The X Factor: The end is near folks!
It has been a dreadful journey, listening to what can only be described as a wailing, bawling, monotonous musical diatribe of dull, dreary delusional durges, in which the talentless contestants screamed, shouted or rapped their way through the last ten weeks, totally destroying, iconic and classic masterpieces, from those real artists, who were, if they were watching, either turning in their graves, or simply turning over, to watch another channel.
Hot favourite to win The X Factor Saara Aalto
By Andy Simon @AndySimon55
Well; we have finally got here.
After what seems to have been an endless journey of so called talented singing, and to those who have endured The X Factor 2016 to it's approaching end, I respectfully take my hat off to you.
That is; if I were wearing one.
Yes. It has been a dreadful journey, listening to what can only be described as a wailing, bawling, monotonous musical diatribe of dull, dreary delusional durges, in which the talentless contestants screamed, shouted or rapped their way through the last ten weeks, totally destroying, iconic and classic masterpieces, from those real artists, who were, if they were watching, either turning in their graves, or simply turning over, to watch another channel.
Dreadful.
The judges (if you can honestly call them that) were I'm certain, taking something to keep them together, as they watched these nobodies do all they could, to remain nobodies, only to then smother them with flat faced compliments, after their dreadful performances were over.
And I have to say, that you had to be on something, to endure this level of talentless tripe, and then to say that you loved it.
Oh please!
And last night's live show, lived up to it's un-expectations.
Matt Terry, just sang with tight underpants on like he's always done, Saara Aalto screamed and yelled so much through every song, I had to make sure I turned the TV volume down, whenever she came on, And 5 After Midnight's rendition of East 17's "Stay Another Day", made me wish they hadn't stayed at all.
And as for Emily Middlemas?
I almost nodded off listening to her!
I mean seriously; would you really download any of these contestants debut album? I can honestly say that even I don't hate anyone that much, to buy them an X Factor winner's album.
Hmmm; I dunno though.
The only real piece of good news to come out from this dreadful gathering of talentless trash, pitifully wrapped together, and called a Talent Show, is that we are at last, nearing its end.
HOORAY!!
The final at last; is as I write, seven days away, and I understand that this shambolic shower of shite is to reach it's uninteresting and un-entertaining conclusion next Saturday at Wembley of all places. Simon really knows how to add insult to injury.
But do you know what?I don't care.
As long as it finally ends, I really don't care!
They could hold the damned thing in my living room if they wanted, as long as the show ends for another year.
Yes I did say, 'for another year."
Unfortunately; I.T.V. in what can only be described by more level headed persons, as a moment of sheer madness, have recently agreed a deal with Cowell, to do three more series.
So although it's all over for another year, it's not over, forever.
But having said that; after enduring all the dreadful auditions, the boot camps, the judges houses, the six chair challenges, and all those terrible live shows . . .
I welcome this brief, but temporary, recess.
The X Factor Grand Final, begins next Saturday on ITV1.
The end is finally here folks.
Thanks for reading.
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The X Factor Semi Finals: The Unfantastic Four
By Caroline Dowse @toongirl83
It was semi finals week on the X Factor and we were left with just four contestants: Matt Terry, who has a lovely falsetto but the charisma of a wardrobe, the stupidly named 5 After Midnight, Saraa Alto, who is basically a Poundland Lady Gaga, and sweet but forgettable Emily Middlemas.
Matt started off the Christmas themed show with Silent Night, which was hardly the show-stopping opening the X Factor semi final needed. Saraa Alto was next with a mash-up of White Christmas and Mariah Carey's All I Want For Christmas Is You, then we had 5 After Midnight ripping off East 17's Stay Another Day, even down to the fake snow and white parkas. Finally, Emily Middlemas rounded off the Christmas songs by whispering John and Yoko's iconic Christmas Time (War Is Over), while a group of bored children sat on the stage around her holding snow globes with lights in. I'm guessing health and safety banned candles. So far, so tedious.
That's the problem with the X Factor right now. There's a big Honey G shaped hole in the show now and none of the other contestants are interesting enough to fill it. Yes, she was awful, but like Ed Balls on Strictly, that was part of the fun, and I'm actually beginning to miss North Weezy's finest. People will remember Honey G long after they've forgotten this year's winner.
Still, they keep trying to convince us that the show is exciting. When Matt and Emily were revealed as the bottom two, old Uncle Dermot told us that this was a massive shock because neither of them had been in the bottom two before. Poor Dermot. He's doing his best, but seems to have lost his love for the show and spends his time half heartedly making fun of the judges or mumbling incoherently into his mic.
After the sing-off, the judges sent Emily packing, meaning she misses out on the big final at Wembley this weekend. Lucky her, I say.