November 2016

So mad Masood’s finally going. After crashing through the credibility barrier many years ago, the problem plagued postie is taking his kid to a third world country “for a better life”. Good luck with that.

In fairness to the pub-loving Muslim, anywhere is better than Albert Square’s seething cesspit of semi-human horror. Especially now that appalling thug Phil Mitchell is back in town. They get our hopes up… and then he doesn’t die. Damn.

Nothing much to say about this year’s jungle heroes. So far so average. An annoyingly nice bunch of people who are all getting on famously. Which is the last thing we want.

But it’s always good to see a new face on television. Especially Carol Vorderman’s. What the hell’s happened to her? Epic amounts of surgery? Industrial quantities of Botox? Or has she discovered the secret of eternal youth? You decide.

“All I want to do is dance on that Blackpool floor,” gasped Daisy Lowe at the start of a decisive weekend that you just knew would end in her elimination. And, sure enough, it did. When Strictly’s desperadoes beg for their survival it never happens.

No begging required for resident carthorse Ed Balls who goes from weakness to weakness but remains the undisputed star of the show. For a former Chancellor of the Exchequer, being loved by the public must be a novel experience. But love him they undoubtedly do and he waltzes inexorably on.

Coronation Street (ITV, 7.30 and 8.30pm) As Weatherfield’s worst storyline of the year continues apace, airhead hairdresser Maria is arrested on suspicion of murder. Let’s hope she gets wrongly convicted.

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SATURDAY

Strictly Come Dancing (BBC1, 6.55pm) This is the big one (it says here in this BBC press release). The remaining minor celebrities battle it out to make through to next week’s Blackpool special. Apparently, the Blackpool episode is a big deal.

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